When things happen to us it’s so easy for us to feel that the world is frozen in time and you’re trying to just get through the frozen ness and melt it slowly so you can digest and get your brain to grasp on and wrap your head around it all. It’s so easy to not be able to know how to react either..
This post is more about the journey but also staying true to your beliefs. What are beliefs? Beliefs are simple things. Example: I believe that if I am open and honest I’ll have successful relationships. Beliefs turn into habits. Sometimes we can have bad habits that stem from a negative belief. So know that this is a way I and my Husband live. We live by also altering the way we react and respond to things. We are human though and humans make mistakes. I’ll be he first to admit when I make a mistake. Making a mistake makes me feel awful. Sometimes when we make mistakes we justify deny and lay blame on things or people. This makes it easier for us to feel better about making that mistake. Will I be able to be self aware and mindful of my actions if I do that tho? No.
This will all make sense when I tell you what has been happening.
We had our first fertility appointment a few weeks ago. Which consisted of a sit down consultation. Nothing can prepare you for this open raw hour and a half that feels like an eternity moment in your life if you’re going down this path. This moment was to bring up anything and everything. Air out all your laundry about the bedroom life, your cycle, your miscarriage(s), the entire history of you down there. Not only that but then your spouse, his life in the bedroom, looking at his numbers (from tests) and discussing both of your lifestyles. What you eat, what you drink, what you do, what you’re around.
You may have expectations of this appointment and I’d say set the bar low. Everyone told me that this would bring so much to light and instead I ended up being an emotional roller coaster. Especially when talking about all of the womanly struggles as a teen in and out of the hospital and into the miscarriages. The Dr. is very nice and caring and understanding. But the pain you feel is like reopening a door you put a pad lock on and used bolt cutters to open it. It wasn’t wanting to be opened again. It was healed and ready to move forward. I had to remind myself to be open and not to deny myself of anything that could help.
Once we got through all of the history the Dr wanted to discuss our numbers on some tests. His count was ok, his motility was less than half of what it should be. So she wanted to run that test again to see if it’s repetitive. She looked at my levels and said everything looked ok. Her concern was after 7 years of unprotecting there should be something. So in her words “we are a mystery ”
She had a list for us to begin. One was for me to begin taking baby aspirin one a day all through ovulation and keep going until she tells me to stop. Google it, seriously. She was right, there are tons of articles out there where findings have been by doing that one simple thing it fertilizes your egg to accept and keep it instead of your body rejecting it. I was on board to try it.
Next on the list was for his motility, stop smoking, boxers that are loose not briefs, better diet, lighten up on the alcohol intake, no computers or cell phone by nether regions, a big one was to increase antioxidants. And to get another test done. He began all of this. Went in for his next test and just by shifting a few of those his motility came back up.
Next was to check my thyroid levels. Immediately after the appointment I went into a room to begin to get my blood drawn.
Getting blood drawn is easy. They find the vein and draw what they need. Through this process I’m used to getting it done 2x every other week. This time at the fertility office the girl asked me to tell her if it hurt. Or if the strap was too tight. That was a first. Then she collapsed my vein. Then asks a co worker to come in and help. She comes in and collapses the other vein. And we’re still trying to stick me. By the 4th stick I asked if I could leave and come back. So I rescheduled, went to the car and just cried. As weird as it may sound that little of a problem brought out a lot of emotions. When already on a emotional journey.
Now with arms full of bruises I have to work. So I quickly get those tears Wiped off and head to work with a smile.
The next day they wanted me to come back. I was so scared I moved it to later in the week. I get in the day I go back and they tell me “oh this has been happening to us all morning, do you know how normal it is for this to happen?” All because I requested an experienced person. So they try again. Again collapsed but now 5 veins. This time instead of crying in the car I’m now crying in the office in front of them… Great, How embarrassing…
the nurse tells me to come back eat before and also that she’s going to call me in a Xanax … great, drug me up before.
I still haven’t gone back. I requested that my order be sent to my obgyn office where they draw my blood all the time and never have problems.
Taking notes on him needing antioxidants and new boxers and watching both diets even closer and taking 1 baby aspirin a day during ovulation and a clear blue test. Next blog I will review the clear blue ovulation kit as they have sponsored!
Antioxidants: keep in the fridge. They are delicious
Boxers: t shirt material and cost effective
Aspirin: 1 a day during ovulation and after
In the journey I’ve been painting. Here’s the most recent
Water color painting by: Ashley Flora
Hummingbirds: It is not commonly known that the fluttering wings of the hummingbird move in the pattern of an infinity symbol – further solidifying their symbolism of eternity, continuity, and infinity. … The prime message of the hummingbird animal totem is: “The sweetest nectar is within!”
Thanks so much for reading and stay classy and know you’re not alone in the journey.
– A Flora