Getting back into it

Vulnerable to say the least. Raw, open for all to see. More importantly exposed, is my emotions. Putting yourself back out there to play the game and dance the dance of “did we conceive or didn’t we?”

After 3 months and we pushed ourselves to move forward and try before going to IVF or IUI or anything else.

First begins with preparing the body. Vitamins, and diet. The right kind. All the things that matter. Chloline, folate, dha, folic acid and magnesium. These are crucial. For folic acid make the tubes healthy and the environment healthy.

Along with this while in ovulation is baby aspirin.

Clear blue ovulation kits the connected one is my favorite. The digital ones are just so amazing. Takes the guessing out.

Pregnancy tests for when it’s time to test.

Now, hows it been? It’s been ok. This is definitely harder than ever. Diving right back into trying and pushing the pain aside.

Nothing about what is going on is normal yet. Unfortunately my body is still recovering and healing.

Pink are cycle days and purple are ovulation days. I know you’re probably thinking “girl, just relax and stop trying so hard” here’s the thing. Tracking like this helps me to know if things are the way they were before and ovulating regularly or if it’s off and it’s off and all over the place. The other thing is don’t forget we have been ttc before 7 years with out tracking. And look here we are empty handed and nothing but losses.

Trust me when I tell you I am relaxed. I’m just trying to get help from my drs and unfortunately will be switching drs now due to some situations.

Taking it one day at a time and staying in the moment.

Postpartum after a loss-

This is not fun. A lot of people are unaware of the postpartum effects you can still have even though you don’t have a baby to show in real life to touch.

Let’s start with what happened first. Hair loss. Hair breakage. Me being a hair stylist should know how to fix this. Yes, however it’s a work in progress as I have an entire patch of hair that left my scalp. I’ve been using Redken’s Extreme line. Shampoo, conditioner, cat, and extreme length primer. This has helped tremendously.

Another part of the postpartum is the appetite. For 2 months I barley ate anything. Not that I was forcing myself to to I just “wasn’t hungry” so I started being smart about it and eat high protein meals when I did because I knew it wasn’t healthy just to not eat. My husband had to sometimes make sure I ate. And even though I would I would only eat a tiny bit and be full.

It’s almost like my body went into shock. Didn’t know what to do.

Your cycles are the hardest because you feel like it’s a miscarriage all over again. So the fear and more.

You know as I’m sharing all these things from my postpartum I would just like you to know that this is just my experience. I can’t speak for everyone.

One of the biggest challenges is fear of judgement. Fear that someone will judge me of how I’m dealing with my loss. How I’m doing after my loss. What I acknowledge and what I don’t acknowledge. How I act afterwards, or how fast or how slowly I move forward. Fear that others will see me selfish. Fear that others will ask when we are going to try again, or how’s it going or what is our next move and what will that be like?

All of these things I fear because I don’t know the answers or I know that I will break at any given moment if someone judges me. I will get so angry and hurt because I would never judge someone on a loss of any kind. To be honest as I always am. I also would be angry because some don’t know what it’s like to be in this exact same situation or my shoes.

The weight loss.

Most have asked how I’ve lost so much weight. Mainly eating organic, smarter, less, smaller meals. No I don’t have a workout routine yet. But I do meditate every morning. And intend on getting back into yoga ASAP. It’s so good for my soul!

Sleeping.

This is hard. I have to go to bed by 9/10 because I wake up so many times in the night. And wake up every morning at 6:30.

As I said these are just to my personal experiences. Soon I’ll be posting a blog just on how to cope with postpartum. Thank you all so much for al your support and I will see you next time.

Until then

Stay classy and know you’re not alone!