Be Raw and vulnerable as they say to act as if you are pregnant. Be happy, laugh a lot, smile a lot, stay busy, lay low, relax. Easy right? Before we dive into what’s been evolving in our journey, I want to start out by saying something.
What has been the most defeating challenge you have ever had in your life? Think about it for a minute and think about how painful that is. How bad did or do you want it. Did or are you giving up? Do Or did you keep pushing?
When we feel defeated or feel like we have failed at something, our instinct, being human, is to drop it, move on, brush it off and pretend that it didn’t happen. It’s like making mistakes, like burning your hand on the oven or stove when cooking. You’ll probably shy away from ever doing that task again or constantly live in fear of the oven burning you again. We are only as good as our mindset. I can’t lie and say that I don’t have days – weeks even – where I just want to give up and stop ‘burning myself on the oven’, over and over again. However, I also know I would resent myself later in the years to come. So, I’ve been reading and doing a lot about manifestation. Being as good as my mindset and when negative comments, or negative energy start coming in, I begin filtering it out. Asking myself, ‘Does this serve me? No? Ok let it go’. I say that like it’s simple I know…Try saying that out loud “Does this serve me?”, Trust me it works.
A great resource I find extremely helpful comes from Adina and Bobbi, on instagram @peace_love_balance and @mastery_a.d
Give them a follow. Reach out to them if you need to. Watch their lives on instagram and their YouTube videos. For me the biggest thing has always been tunnel vision of career and others before self. I tend to put myself last and now that I’m 32 going on 33, I can’t do that anymore. The most important thing is ones self. Think about when people say, “If you aren’t happy alone, it’s not going to change just by having someone new in your life. It’s a temporary band-aid, you need to be happy with you and get through your troubles then you can let someone in.” Your well-being, your mental state, your energy. If that’s great, and your mindset is good, and you’re in a good place with yourself, then the rest follows and flows, and you can give yourself to others. If you’re running on E in your car what happens? It stops. The car can no longer help you get to where you’re going. Same thing with ourselves. If we aren’t good and recharged or have a good mindset and we are running on ‘E’, burnt out or dealing with our own negative energy, how can we continue to drive ourselves let alone others around us? Put your oxygen mask on first then assist the person next to you. Make sure you can breathe.
You are no help to others otherwise. With that being said, Adina and Bobbi have done a really great job of advising, explaining and just being flat out extremely helpful spiritual and life guides. A few other things they have also helped with is reading the signs around you. Knowing how to navigate. If you follow my instagram page @_florabora you know my husband and I have been seeing every day during our IUI process repetition of numbers. 11:11, 10:10, 5:55, 2:22 etc. one day we saw 11:11 three times together (on the day of our procedure!). This is your spirits basically saying hi, sending you a message. Mine were telling me they have my back and they are here. So, during the IUI process of round 1 I laughed till I cried, smiled till my cheeks hurt, fell on the floor laughing, did things that created pure joy. What did that do? It helped me to look to the future and not be in the past. You’ll learn more about that through Bobbi and Adina. If you haven’t already, go and follow them now. Subscribe to their YouTube page too. I promise if anything if will help you with peace of mind during this rough road.
Now, let’s get started with the details of the process- We just started the IUI process. (Intrauterine insemination (IUI) is a fertility treatment). A lot of “unexplained infertility” have you begin with this treatment. My Dr at REACH – Reproductive Endocrinology Associates of Charlotte is incredible at what she does. We have put our hearts in her hands. We trust her completely. She’s highly recommended and loves to collaborate as well making us feel like we are heard and have a voice, and not just another number in the books. We began the process with her going over numbers and running a few more tests and we were cleared to begin IUI. I had done my research beforehand and had been doing so for a while. Then, when going about the process, I was prepared and asked a list of questions. Especially concerning my TPO – Positive antibodies being extremely high. 248 (me) – 32 is the normal range. Been on Levothyroxine for hormone therapy treatment. We were then cleared and ready for our first IUI. Excited to say the least. This all gave us a new sense of hope, as well as not knowing what to expect. This procedure is done with medication, and labs to track everything for timing. Control is now in the hands of the Dr’s. Well, as much control that can be had. First thing, you call on cycle day one. Once that happens you go in on cycle day three for an ultrasound and blood work. What they are looking for is to set a baseline before you begin meds. So cool to see how many follicles are in each ovary! (I’m sorry if you don’t experience this part in your journey) we all have our story and as we know my infertility is un-diagnosed. No known cause at the moment, just know it’s not working. So, once they see that all is good to go then they call you with next steps that day. So that day they say ‘ok all is good’ or’ no we need you to come in tomorrow’. For us, all systems were GO! So we went to the pharmacy and picked up my prescription to take every day for 5 days at the exact same time each day (choose wisely), along with my thyroid autoimmune hormone medication daily. After that on cycle day 12, I return for another ultrasound and blood work. This time they are looking to measure the follicle growth. We had one measuring 19 and one measuring 17! All good! Then they check your blood to see that everything is rising correctly, and that you aren’t surging (the follicle dropping the egg) on your own yet.
Then, they call you later that day to give you further instructions. Got the call, everything was great. My nurse said she was so excited, that they couldn’t ask for better results, and that she was so optimistic about it happening. She told us to pull the trigger inject the self-administered (well, in my case, husband administered) shot that night at 7pm and come back in on the 14 day of my cycle which was a little over a day and a half. Then they would do more.
On day 14 we arrived at 7 am. My husband gives his goods over haha (sorry I have to make it a little silly to keep the humor. It’s way too easy to get down during all of this, so we have to joke often). Before he does that, they measure me again and do my blood work. Then we have to return at 10 am for the actual insemination. They called him not long after to come back for an additional sample (they want the highest number possible). They spin and ‘wash’ the samples so that all they are inserting are the strongest swimmers and the ones that are swimming in the right direction.
Finally, we go in and my husband did go in with me as support. I’m so glad he was there. These spouses are such supporters. Major hero’s period. Supporting us, holding us, cheering us on, cheering us up, crying with us, joking with us, injecting our shots and saying all the sweetest things when doing that, holding out hands, being excited together, telling you that you can do it when you think you can’t, handing you tissues when you randomly burst into tears and kissing you on the forehead and saying the three words that mean more than anything. “I love you” and so much more.
After the procedure we went home and rested. Listened to our bodies and just relaxed. One of the biggest things was listening to my body. Sleeping when I need to, eating when I should, eating smart and clean. Etc. acting as if it were. “I believe I am” “I believe it will”
Unfortunately round 1 didn’t take. We are still very optimistic as is our DR. and we have now begun round 2. I will be transparent as I always am with you. It hurt; I did cry when I got my new cycle. I did get upset for a day. If you feel it, let it out. I remember sitting on the couch in pain and just burst into tears. Partly and mostly due to the hormone drops. I was on 200mg of progesterone twice a day and baby aspirin every day since the IUI procedure. Do not fear letting it out. Do not hide and let it out in the bathroom. Don’t feel like you aren’t strong or feel you are weak in showing your emotions even to your spouse. This world has made it feel like showing your emotions is a sign of weakness. However, it’s a sign of strength. Sometimes we need to let it out in order to move forward. Your spouse they may feel helpless however it does bring you closer together and makes you and them not feel alone. At least it has for us. My husband ends up wondering and we don’t want either of us to feel like the other has to feel as if “they are walking on eggshells ” around each other about it. We have a letter board in the kitchen, and I keep changing the phrases on it to keep the life alive and light spirited when we need it. As a daily reminder. When I did this my husband came home the day I picked up my 5-day RX and busted out laughing at the first sign…One I don’t have an image of said “just keep swimming” that was after the insemination day. Haha
Hope you found this helpful. Please comment, subscribe and share with your friend, family member or customer if they are having similar struggles and I am happy to talk. We all support each other in this community of fertility and TTC.
Thank you for reading. Stay classy and know you’re not alone, A. Flora